I’d like to start this issue by congratulating all of our graduating seniors, and to anybody who has supported our new sex column this year. Like most of you I have spent the last few weeks complaining about studying and finding new ways to procrastinate.
Did you know there is a website dedicated to pasting Matt Damon’s face onto cartoon ponies? The silly things I find instead of writing quality articles.
Each year college brings new challenges and opportunities. As we grow older and develop into more mature people, we desire new experiences, and this is true for our sex lives as well. So for our last issue of the year I’m going to explore what people are interested in during their college lives and how it changes.
And you’re going to read it because you started, and you may as well finish to see if I managed to slip a comment about my genitals past the copy editors.
Freshman
It has all come down to this. No more keeping the screen door propped at night so people could sneak in without making noise, finding open rooms at parties or waiting for parents to leave for dinner. This is the year where most of us forget the finer points of sex education class and delve pelvis-first into a cesspool of debauchery and hedonism. Or at least have a few one-night stands that you’ll exaggerate to your friends until your roommate calls you out. Seriously, if he was awake he should’ve just said something or left the room anyway.
This is the year where mistakes are accepted and easily forgotten, unless that mistake requires topical cream and antibiotics. Some people will begin to date but most are excited by all the new opportunities.
Sophomore
The reality of college has set in. We actually have work to do, classes to attend and we can pick a more compatible roommate. Now that students are more comfortable and familiar in our surroundings, some begin to seek a relationship.
With the end of college still far ahead and the newness of freshman year behind us, a relationship can seem like the perfect option.
You don’t have to plan too far ahead and it can remain casual. But if you just spent the previous year getting bossed around by actives in a fraternity or sorority, chances are good that you’re going to want to enjoy your first year of privileges as a single person.
Nothing kills the mood at a mixer like a jealous partner glaring at your brothers and sisters while reminding you to leave early so you don’t miss the new episode of “True Blood.”
And if you are a couple and that is your favorite show, stop reading this article and go flush your eyes with bleach because something about your vision is seriously obscuring your reasoning abilities.
Junior
It seems like only last year you walked onto the campus and met your roommate. Now you have to work on requirements for your major, find some prime off-campus real estate for next year and get an internship.
You can’t ignore the fact that you will be in the real world sooner than later, and for some students this can be the busiest year of college. Now that you’re well-established in Otterbein culture, it can seem redundant to start dating. On the days you aren’t studying, working or getting severely intoxicated to forget about your responsibilities, you may struggle to maintain a relationship.
For those of us who plan on moving out of state after college, dating can be a struggle. Most juniors will either be looking for someone as mature as they are, or they will take advantage of their situation. Remember that one person you really wanted freshman year but they hooked up with an upperclassman? Remember that underclassman who gave you their number last weekend? And the cycle continues.
Senior
On a side note, never enter the words “senior” and “relationship” into an online search engine. If you haven’t been in a relationship by now, you’ve been having a great time these past few years, had really great grades or are having a hard time putting down your Xbox controller.
This is the year you should be frantically trying to organize your life like an episode of “Hoarders” and you have a week until the house is repossessed, only you’re less likely to find a lost animal dead under thirty boxes of old National Geographic issues.
This is your last year in college so you have to make it count, and beginning a relationship now can be seriously difficult, if not detrimental to your goals. You need to be a bit selfish and a lot more dedicated as a senior, and if you have been in a relationship up until now it is time to seriously analyze how your partner will affect your ability to achieve what you want.
Nobody is done developing as a senior in college, and if your relationship is going to hinder you in any way, then it’s time to move on.
It can be scary to start a new life without someone you’ve been so close with, but sometimes throwing yourself into the fire is what you need.
