Burping. Farting. Pooping. There comes a time in every romantic relationship when these actions are brought out into the open...no longer swept under the rug, or in this case, flushed down the toilet. The couple must decide whether they can move forward...whether they can push past these seeming setbacks.
My boyfriend has instituted a rule. For every time he hears me burp, he refuses to shave another day. (He knows how much I hate prickly cheeks, so this is great blackmail.) I do my best to stifle a belch, but even with my mouth closed, he claims he can still hear a noise and adds another day.
Now is that fair? Is there a double standard here? I have record of my lover boy sending me the following text message on February 12 at 4:58 p.m.:"I am pooping right now :-)!"
You'll notice he sent it just in time for Valentine's Day.
Is he allowed that particular bodily function, but I am not allowed the other? Is it because burping isn't graceful or feminine? Just as our culture encourages women to shave their underarms and legs, they encourage us to daintily refrain from loud emissions. Guys, however, don't have the same expectations. They can grow hair any old place they want to, and they can burp while doing it.
Aside from exploring the sexism implications, I use the subjects of burping and farting to raise other questions. Does it take away some of the "mystery," some of the romance, when we let our guards down and let 'em rip? Should we be worried that a burp or toot will make our partner hit the road?
I believe a new level of intimacy is formed when we break that barrier. I embrace the freedom, and aside from the burping issue, I think my gentleman embraces it too. (Texting while pooping is a great way to pass the time...it is one of our favorite "dates.")
Once this newfound freedom hits, your relationship is strengthened; your intimacy can go deeper. You can discuss your symptoms when you're ill, to get your lover's sympathy and advice. ("Well, when it came out, it was kind of green...a lime green, if you will, and is that because I ate the broccoli cheddar soup? Has that happened to you before? Is it serious?") Your lover can also be there for you in lieu of your mother when you're throwing up puke or hacking up phlegm. There's no more shame about how it looks or smells, because you've reached a new level of openness and vulnerability with each other.
...And it all began with farting out loud.
Maybe more of us should embrace the earthly level at which we're all connected. Maybe we should tell more fart jokes. (Here's a great Jack Handey one: "I once met an assassin whose nickname was 'Fart.' I asked him why, and he said, 'Because I'm silent but deadly.'")
So as spring quarter begins and stress levels escalate once again, I invite this campus to release the tension in a very particular way. But please don't tell my boyfriend you heard it from me. Sarah Martindell is a senior English major and Columnist for the t&c;t&c;
