Next week my fellow graduates and I will bid farewell to our beloved Otterbein College and move on to a world full of excitement and inadequate medical coverage.But, as my four years as a student come to a close, I've come to realize that while this column has allowed to me say a lot over the years, there's still plenty more that I'd love to get off my chest.
For example, I've never gotten the chance to explain in any of my columns the real reason for my complete contempt for Hillary Clinton and her existence as an American politician.
While it's true that Hillary is ruining the Democrat's chance at an 08' White house bid, and that she receives more money from pharmaceutical companies than Wilfred Brimley, the one aspect of her campaign that really makes me boil is her weird hairdo. Hillary's haircut is like something out of an 80s-style trucker magazine.
For some reason I had always thought it was commonplace for politicians to have a personal stylist on call during all high-profile political races in order to keep candidates looking fresh and hip for potential voters. Obviously, for Hillary this isn't the case, especially considering her weird scarves and awkward looking fem-mullet make her look like she's an extra from Sly Stallone's, "Over the Top."
One activity that regrettably never came to fruition during my tenure as an Otterbein student was some type of public display in honor of the security department.
I always envisioned myself lighting a large bag of soiled diapers on the doorstep of the security department offices and triumphantly laughing as Daniel Pierron ran out of the building stamping out the fire with his boots. Luckily I held back, not because I respect the work that the security department has done, but because I knew they'd make Tom Vern clean it up.
Another issue that I've always wanted to publicly complain about was the Otterbein bookstore.
Unfortunately, finding fault with the bookstore is easier than playing hide and seek with blind kids, which is why most of the T&C; editors frown upon columns consisting of bookstore bashing.
Yet, I've always wondered why Otterbein students haven't banded together and publicly boycotted the store altogether. The markup on their merchandise is worse than a T-shirt booth at a monster truck rally, and the staff assistance makes me feel like I'm at the Columbus BMV. I've learned a lot in my four years as an Otterbein student, but I've never understood how the bookstore can charge $12 for a coffee mug or $200 for a 30-page paperback.
Also, what's the deal with Otterbein students singing out loud on their commute to various classes? I like a strong set of vocal chords just as much as the next guy, but come on, I'd rather not listen to a group of theatre majors belting out selections from "Oklahoma" like they're working the lounge at the Airport Hilton.
And last but not least, why must Otterbein students continue to waste their time complaining about street preachers? I cringe every time I see a crowd gathered in front of the Campus Center listening to those fools rant and rave about the end of the world.
When crazies like that get an audience they turn into Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell. If we'd like to avoid the creation of another John Hagee or Rod Parsley we must treat street preachers with the crying baby syndrome and simply pretend that they're not actually there.
But, overall, I love this campus. I've loved watching Otterbein students mosey through the crosswalk on Main Street in front of the library like they're nursing bad hips.
I love Otterbein's eccentric professors and our utter disdain for the Crap-itol Crusaders.
I love the T&C; and WOBN, I've loved every public speaker that has ever visited our tiny campus (I'm looking at you Jerry Springer), and most of all I love my Mom.
Mom you're an amazing woman and I want you to know that not a day went by that I didn't think about how important your decision to work at Otterbein has been to my life and my future.
So sayonara Otterbein, thanks for the education and thanks for the memories. t&c;
MIKE WISE IS A SENIOR JOURNALISM MAJOR AND COLUMNIST FOR THE t&c.;
