11 items found for your search. If no results were found please broaden your search.
(06/04/08 4:00am)
Next week my fellow graduates and I will bid farewell to our beloved Otterbein College and move on to a world full of excitement and inadequate medical coverage.But, as my four years as a student come to a close, I've come to realize that while this column has allowed to me say a lot over the years, there's still plenty more that I'd love to get off my chest.For example, I've never gotten the chance to explain in any of my columns the real reason for my complete contempt for Hillary Clinton and her existence as an American politician. While it's true that Hillary is ruining the Democrat's chance at an 08' White house bid, and that she receives more money from pharmaceutical companies than Wilfred Brimley, the one aspect of her campaign that really makes me boil is her weird hairdo. Hillary's haircut is like something out of an 80s-style trucker magazine. For some reason I had always thought it was commonplace for politicians to have a personal stylist on call during all high-profile political races in order to keep candidates looking fresh and hip for potential voters. Obviously, for Hillary this isn't the case, especially considering her weird scarves and awkward looking fem-mullet make her look like she's an extra from Sly Stallone's, "Over the Top."One activity that regrettably never came to fruition during my tenure as an Otterbein student was some type of public display in honor of the security department. I always envisioned myself lighting a large bag of soiled diapers on the doorstep of the security department offices and triumphantly laughing as Daniel Pierron ran out of the building stamping out the fire with his boots. Luckily I held back, not because I respect the work that the security department has done, but because I knew they'd make Tom Vern clean it up.Another issue that I've always wanted to publicly complain about was the Otterbein bookstore. Unfortunately, finding fault with the bookstore is easier than playing hide and seek with blind kids, which is why most of the T&C; editors frown upon columns consisting of bookstore bashing. Yet, I've always wondered why Otterbein students haven't banded together and publicly boycotted the store altogether. The markup on their merchandise is worse than a T-shirt booth at a monster truck rally, and the staff assistance makes me feel like I'm at the Columbus BMV. I've learned a lot in my four years as an Otterbein student, but I've never understood how the bookstore can charge $12 for a coffee mug or $200 for a 30-page paperback. Also, what's the deal with Otterbein students singing out loud on their commute to various classes? I like a strong set of vocal chords just as much as the next guy, but come on, I'd rather not listen to a group of theatre majors belting out selections from "Oklahoma" like they're working the lounge at the Airport Hilton.And last but not least, why must Otterbein students continue to waste their time complaining about street preachers? I cringe every time I see a crowd gathered in front of the Campus Center listening to those fools rant and rave about the end of the world. When crazies like that get an audience they turn into Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell. If we'd like to avoid the creation of another John Hagee or Rod Parsley we must treat street preachers with the crying baby syndrome and simply pretend that they're not actually there.But, overall, I love this campus. I've loved watching Otterbein students mosey through the crosswalk on Main Street in front of the library like they're nursing bad hips. I love Otterbein's eccentric professors and our utter disdain for the Crap-itol Crusaders. I love the T&C; and WOBN, I've loved every public speaker that has ever visited our tiny campus (I'm looking at you Jerry Springer), and most of all I love my Mom. Mom you're an amazing woman and I want you to know that not a day went by that I didn't think about how important your decision to work at Otterbein has been to my life and my future. So sayonara Otterbein, thanks for the education and thanks for the memories. t&c;MIKE WISE IS A SENIOR JOURNALISM MAJOR AND COLUMNIST FOR THE t&c.;
(05/21/08 4:00am)
Last month, a Mount Vernon middle-school teacher named John Freshwater received national media attention by refusing to comply with a request by the City School Board to remove a Bible from his desktop. The 51-year-old science teacher claimed that "because the Bible is personal and private property, the removal of it from my desk would be nothing short of infringement on my own deeply-held religious beliefs, granted by God and guaranteed under the free exercise clause of the First Amendment of the United States Constitution." Coupled with his refusal are a wide range of allegations which point to Freshwater's continued promotion of Christianity and intelligent design throughout his 21-year career in the district. Allegations include Freshwater's distribution and promotion of intelligent design coursework (a handout titled Darwin's Theory of Evolution: The Premise and the Problem), a complaint filed by parents accusing Freshwater of using an electrostatic device to burn crosses into students arms and reports which quote Freshwater as saying "Satan be removed from this man" in a "healing session" which took place on school property. Personally, I find it appalling that Freshwater continues to teach in the district and by looking at the framework of the First Amendment, it's easy to see why Freshwater's claims are both baseless and misdirected. The creation of the First Amendment in the Bill of Rights ultimately began shortly after the Revolutionary War in the early 1780s, during a period in U.S. history known as the Confederation Era, in which most of the governmental power was in the hands of the states as opposed to a national government. This changed when a fraction of citizens, led by Alexander Hamilton, wanted to create a federal government with more power, essentially moving toward what then would have been viewed as big government. On the opposing end, the Anti-Federalists, led by Thomas Jefferson, consisted of rural farmers from the South and the West. The Anti-Federalists believed that by allowing big government, in the form of the U.S. Constitution, it would minimize their participation in governmental decisions, especially in the outlying rural regions. The dissent by the Anti-Federalists was enough to force the Federalists to promise a Bill of Rights, which included the First Amendment guarantee of freedom of religion, speech and the press. Hamilton and his supporters knew that by guaranteeing that the new central government would not take away the individual rights of free speech, press and religion it would be enough to persuade most Americans to accept the new constitution. Now, more than 200 years later, one thing that certainly hasn't changed is the yearning by Americans to have protections guaranteeing free expression of their beliefs, albeit religious, political or other. But as both parent and student supporters align themselves with Freshwater, the issue needs to focus not on Mr. Freshwater's First Amendment rights, but rather the rights of his students. In a related case in late April of this year, the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) sued a small Louisiana school district for a similar violation of student rights. According to an ACLU press release, "the U.S. District Court for the Eastern District of Louisiana ruled against a public school in Tangipahoa Parish that handed out Bibles to fifth graders, saying the school infringed on students' religious freedom." The ruling stated, "the school's defense - that a student could choose not to accept the Bibles - is not enough, given the enormous pressure most children feel to fit in with classmates or follow teachers' wishes." As a middle-school teacher, Freshwater's students are only a few years older, and their ability to speak out against their teacher's repeated religious endorsements was inhibited by the pressures to conform to the norms of the classroom. Not only that, but once Freshwater became a vehicle of the state (as a public school teacher) he forfeited his right to free expression while at work. Freshwater must remember that, while on the job, he is expected follow to the guidelines set by his employers and maintain a neutral voice in matters concerning religion and specific personal beliefs. By and large, the First Amendment is as American as apple pie and should be regarded with the utmost respect and dignity. What makes our country so great is the ability for the minority to have a strong voice, and, when secured by the First Amendment, repression should be impossible.t&c;MIKE WISE IS A SENIOR JOURNALISM MAJOR AND COLUMNIST FOR THE T&C.;
(05/07/08 4:00am)
10 gifts under $101. Wine2. A mixed CD3. Free car wash4. Memory box of photos and sentimental items5. Candles6. Homemade cookies7. Home-cooked meal (Lasagna is cheap and easy.)8. Matinee movie 9. Afternoon at a museum10. An offer to clean the garage or organize old photosCompiled by Alexa LibertMother's Day is a beautiful time of year. It is a special day that has been delicately crafted to commemorate the many thankless hours of hard work that our mothers manage to squeeze into each and every day of our lives. Regrettably, as time has progressed, so have the pressures of finding a suitable Mother's Day present and the frantic search for a proper gift seems to come earlier and earlier every year.When I was in elementary school we would devote an entire school day to building a memento of our gratitude that was both colorful and appreciative. Unfortunately, I've never been a talented artist and even simple tasks involving arts and crafts-like building a picture frame out of dried pasta, or creating a sculpture with decorative streamers-always looking like a ball of melted G.I. Joes.Other years my gifts have bordered between the lazy and the ridiculous, like the year I gave my mom a bottle of fart spray from Spencer's, or a handful of flowers still dripping with wet soil that were obviously stolen from our neighbors front yard.As I grew older my dad forced me to take time in picking a present, urging me to save my money and plan ahead. When Mother's Day would draw near, we would drive to Pier One Imports, or Michael's craft store and I would purchase the first respectable thing I could find for under $20. As a result, my mom's collection of oddly-shaped lamps, mirrors outlined with small wooden cats and other random knick knacks seemed to grow with every celebration. After a couple of years, I decided to think practically. I made the decision that I would simply ask my mother what she wanted. Unfortunately, I would immediately become frustrated when she would say something like, "I just want you to be nice to your sister," or "take some time to work in the yard." Soon Mother's Day became a competition among my sisters and I, and somehow I always managed to lose. One year my sister got my mom a set of solar-powered garden lights that made her so happy that I thought she was going to cry. Another year she gave my mom a beautiful necklace and earrings in a small jewelry box that made my gift, a carefully picked Boz Scaggs CD, look like it belonged in the trash. Fortunately, I have reached a new level of maturity in life. I now realize that it's not the amount of money we spend on a present, but rather the amount of time and thought that goes into a gift that shows our mothers how much we truly care and appreciate them.So this year, no matter what I decide to get my mom, no matter how asymmetrical or impractical my present may be, I know she will still smile and endearingly say that she loves it. So happy Mother's Day Mom, hope you like this melted ball of G.I. Joes. t&c;MIKE WISE IS A SENIOR JOURNALISM MAJOR AND COLUMNIST FOR THE t&c.;
(04/23/08 4:00am)
Are you a concerned citizen worried about the lack of security at the border? Are you a crazy Lou Dobbs supporter who just doesn't have the time to sit at the Mexico/U.S. border in a lawn chair with binoculars? Well, fear no more, because as of November 2007 you can find peace of mind by joining an amateur border-watching Web site called TechnoPatriots. By making a one-time payment of only $10, and undergoing a short interview process, anyone can keep an eye on the border from the comfort of their own home, with the aid of five wireless cameras posted on light poles and fences at the Arizona-Mexico border. One TechnoPatriot, Ernie Kubr, who watches the Web site's video feed from his Nebraska home, 1,400 miles away from the Arizona-Mexico border, claims that he has spotted people twice since becoming a member of the service in November. While neither person was caught, according to ap.org, Kubr claims, "attempting to do the federal government's job helps inspire me."The co-founder of TechnoPatriots is Jon Healy, who is also part owner of a company that installs wireless cameras. Healy explained that he started the Web site after business competitors began underbidding him by employing undocumented workers for a fraction of normal labor costs. What's ironic is that the chief concern for many is that illegal immigrants are taking the jobs of hard-working Americans due to low wages and the willingness to work for cash under the table. With the time it takes to stare at a computer screen or set up cameras along a lone stretch of the border, couldn't these people be finding work for themselves? Or at least be applying some of their fanatic energy to boycotting businesses that employ undocumented workers?Personally, I love the idea of some crazy Lou Dobbs types sitting at their desks for hours, desperately seeking movement on their computer screens, especially since their success rate is so incredibly low.In all, the company claims to have made 160 sightings since November; sightings that led to the capture of 118 illegal citizens. While border control officials could not confirm this number, msnbc.com says it still represents only a small fraction of the more than 1,000 illegal immigrants caught everyday by Border Patrol in Tucson, AZ. Picturing these people with chest-length beards, missing work and family functions in a feeble attempt to rat out undocumented workers, is oddly amusing. Just this past weekend Border Patrol recruiters targeted Ohio as the first state where a recruiting blitz will begin in hopes of wrangling in new members. Agent J.D. Thompson explained that the recruiting effort is part of a federal mandate, which looks to increase the number of border control agents by 6,000 by the end of the year.But, with the promise of remote cameras and an influx of amateur border watchers, perhaps new workers won't be needed, making immigration fanatics like Healy part of the problem rather than the solution.So, whether you're a violent conservative, or just a mild immigrant crazy, the rest of us can breathe easy knowing that these sites are keeping hundreds of fanatics cooped up at their computers, rather than roaming around in public interacting with the rest of us. t&c;MIKE WISE IS A SENIOR JOURNALISM MAJOR AND COLUMNIST FOR THE t&c.;
(04/10/08 4:00am)
Isn't it a great time of the year? The sun is shining, the grass is growing, people are enjoying the outdoors and my mailman is, once again, wearing his awkwardly short Daisy Dukes. Spring has finally sprung and nothing screams the season more than the arrival of the National Hockey League (NHL) play-offs.While fan support for the Blue Jackets continues to hold steady in Columbus, the NHL has struggled to capture viewers.Securing a 1.1 ratings share, the NHL on NBC averaged fewer viewers than professional bull riding, poker and even bowling in last year's play-offs.For an event that features the best hockey players in the world battling for their chance to hoist Lord Stanley's coveted cup, I can't help but wonder why America does not embrace this fantastic game. No other sporting event in the history of the world features a better blend of brute strength and graceful beauty. From slap shots and hip checks to silky dekes and fist fights, the game truly has it all. Where else can you find huge goons with bad dental history paired with smooth skating Russians who boast 15-letter last names? How could it be so difficult to get people to watch huge guys speeding around a thick sheet of ice with 10-inch long steel blades fastened to their feet, while wielding long wood and graphite sticks? It's like a Mel Gibson movie, without the glaring religious undertones.Sadly, the Columbus Blue Jacket's season came to an end this past Sunday with a mediocre 4-1 loss to the St. Louis Blues in Nationwide Arena. They continue their depressing history of being the only active team in the NHL to have never qualified for the Stanley Cup play-offs.Despite another losing season, Blue Jacket fans and players alike can look back on the year and take pride in several of the season's accomplishments.For example, Goaltender Pascal Leclaire had a stunning year, posting a league leading nine shutouts despite an injury- prone season. Rick Nash also continued to play well. Scoring 38 goals and 29 assists, not to mention a game winner against Phoenix that has earned a halfmillion views on YouTube.But while Nash and Leclaire spend their off-season on the golf course, the rest of the league will be battling for their shot at a championship. Left winger Alexander Ovechkin and Pittsburg Penguins sensation Sidney Crosby could possibly be the most important participants in this year's playoffs. Ovechkin had a ridiculous season and deserves all the credit for piloting the Washington Capitals to their first playoff appearance in five years. En route to scoring a league- leading 65 goals, Ovechkin managed to make me giggle like an infant on several separate occasions with a handful of Sport Center top 10 plays. This spring, after a long day of outdoor activities, take some time to relax by checking the NHL playoffs. The only thing worse than getting your mail delivered by a starkly-dressed postal worker is being forced to spend an April without hockey.t&c;MIKE WISE IS A SENIOR JOURNALISM MAJOR AND COLUMNIST FOR THE t&c.;
(03/13/08 4:00am)
After picking up key wins in Ohio and Texas this month, Sen. Hillary Clinton has cemented her name in history as the first viable female candidate for president of the United States. While Clinton struggles to pave the way for female politicians in the U.S., a small country in eastern Africa may be setting a precedent of its own. Currently, female politicians in Rwanda make up 49 percent of their national parliament, a percentage that not only tops the world rankings, but also dwarfs the world average of 15.1 percent. Furthermore, an estimated one-third of all households are led by women.This past winter I had the distinct pleasure of visiting Rwanda and corresponding with a female college student in the midst of the distinct cultural change. Angel Nyawera, a student at the National University of Rwanda explained that, "Before the genocide, the number of women educated was [very] reduced, and there was an absence of rights which benefited women...different families had boys going to school, and girls doing the housework."In the months leading up to the 2003 election, Rwandan women worked alongside their male counterparts to draft a constitution that guaranteed a legislative role for women in politics. Featured in the reforms were policy regulations that reserved seats in both houses of parliament for women candidates. Currently 24 out of 80 seats in the lower house and six out of 20 seats in the upper house are reserved for women, yet that minimum number was exceeded in the 2003 general elections.Executive Director for the United Nations Development Fund for Women Noeleen Heyzer explained that, "Especially in post-conflict situations, where new constitutions and legislative structures are being created, it is critical that women are present at the peace table and in post-war policymaking."As a student of business and women's studies, Angel understands that policy decisions favoring female politicians will translate to more rights for traditional Rwandan women. "Now that women occupy the high posts in government, even in the countryside women participate in the execution and development of the country." Gender activists fear that quotas may actually create a glass ceiling, preventing the country from surpassing its allotted votes. But to Angel, the advantages outweigh the risks. t&c;MIKE WISE IS A SENIOR PUBLIC RELATIONS MAJOR AND STAFF WRITER FOR THE t&c.;
(02/27/08 5:00am)
A couple of weeks ago I decided to taste some cat food.It's not something that I do often; it's just that I wanted to make sure I was getting the good stuff. Recently, my family cat Clarabelle came to live with me. Apparently, the food she eats is only stocked at a few stores due to the fact that it's dripping with special formulas or something. When I ventured out to purchase the distinguished cat food, I had to drive 20 minutes outside the city to get to a store that sold it. The first store I tried didn't have it, so I traveled to another pet store that promised me when I called them that they stocked this amazing $30 cat food.Unfortunately, when I arrived at the pet store, the guy I talked to on the phone ended up walking around the store for 10 minutes trying to find the last bag that he claimed to have seen just five minutes before. While he scanned the shelves, I stared out the window searching for the bastard that bought the last bag of my cat's food.My mom warned me that if I switch the brand, Clarabelle would notice and it would upset her stomach. But every now and then, I'll catch her lying around the house casually licking her butt. Sometimes she does it for four or five minutes at a time, which makes me question the sensitivity of her pallet.In route to the next store, I wondered what I had become. In the past, I've tried to keep a strict balance that distinguished me from those crazy-cat people who think cats are equal with dogs in terms of viable pets. Personally, I've always considered a dog a "real" pet because it actually takes a strong commitment to care for it. Cats, on the other hand, don't need instruction; they spend their days lying around the house sleeping, eating and crapping in a box in the basement. Once I finally arrived at the third store, I was relieved to find an entire shelf stocked with the delicious food that my cat supposedly can't live without. After I had forked over my precious hard-earned cash, I decided to open the bag and take a small taste. For $30 I wanted to make sure that the flavor wasn't something that I had been missing out on. Even though the food didn't taste that bad, I'm still ashamed at how weird I must have looked to anyone who happened to witness my taste-test.But oh well. At least I'm not a crazy-cat person.
(02/14/08 5:00am)
It's official. The presidential primary season is heating up. Here's my take on the candidates and where I think we'll stand next November.Hillary Rodham Clinton looked to be the front runner for the Democrats in the early going. But as the race heats up, so does Barack Obama's campaign progress. I have loads of problems picturing Clinton as a viable candidate for president, especially because she's a horrible public speaker. Sometimes, I can actually detect shades of a female Dick Nixon in her speeches. It's like she's a robot that was accidentally programmed without a personality. But nothing is worse than having to listen to her viewpoints on our nation's health care woes. Considering Clinton receives more money from pharmaceutical companies than any other candidate, I wouldn't be surprised if she started showing up for speeches wearing huge Pfizer jackets and passing out sample packets of Prozac and Viagra.On the Republican side, John McCain is the obvious front runner. After his most recent primary victories, it looks like the nomination is a lock. I never liked McCain, mostly for the fact that he quietly maintains the persona that he's a risk to the Republican Party. Yet, in his 25-year career in Congress, his voting record has consistently been pro-life, in favor of big spending on defense and generally supportive of large tax cuts. But most of all I think that having a 71-year-old president is unrealistic at best. At 71, McCain should be the starter at a golf course or a greeter at Wal-Mart, not the leader of the free world.In the media, the big issues with Barack Obama are his inexperience and a proposed agenda without substance. But come November, I predict that Obama will be the man in the White House for the sheer fact that his charisma and political savvy will allow him to run the smoothest campaign. And finally, the last candidate secretly hiding in the wings. The candidate that no one thought would appear in this race. The man of the millennium, President George W. Bush. Any elementary school kid could tell you that after having served two consecutive four-year terms, President Bush is not legally permitted to run for a third. But after everything we've experienced in the past eight years, I'm not going to let him put anything by me.
(01/31/08 5:00am)
A few weeks ago, while I was at work, I encountered a problem that has been popping up a lot lately. As I cleaned up for the night, an old teacher walked in. After extensive efforts to pretend that I didn't see her, I realized that I was cornered. An exchange of pleasantries ensued. As the conversation wound to a close, she asked me what I planned to do after graduation. Like always, I drew a blank. After an awkward pause, I blurted out that I wanted to produce and direct a theater version of "American Gladiators," featuring Raquel Welsh as the sultry vixen Thor, and Gary Busey as the evil agitator Wolf. But the truth is, I don't have any clue what I want to do after I graduate. I'm sick of having to create lies in order to make it through conversations with past acquaintances. Fortunately for me, and any other Otterbein students who find themselves in the same dismal position, there is hope. And her name is Audra Godfrey.Godfrey is a wonderful woman who works in the back office at Otterbein's Center for Career Planning. After years of wandering aimlessly through college with no path or direction, I decided to take initiative and plan a meeting with her at the center. For starters, Godfrey set me up with a couple of career tests designed to assist in my search for a profession. When I was done, she looked over the results with me. In my case, the occupations were extremely varied and even somewhat hilarious. For starters, I never would have found myself looking into a career as a fitness trainer or wedding planner. Maybe because I rarely eat right or exercise, and the thought of convincing people to agree to a "Monty Python"-themed wedding is just too much to handle. Perhaps an exciting career as a barge captain or tractor-trailer operator would better suit my future. All these and more were flagged as possible career choices based on my test answers.After my consultation was complete, Godfrey then helped me to create a beautiful cover letter and resume. Thanks to her and those at the Center for Career Planning, I will no longer draw a blank when asked about my career plans.From now on, when I run into old friends or teachers, I can stand up straight, look them directly in the eye and confidently say, "My name is Mike Wise, and I want to be a barge captain."
(01/16/08 5:00am)
Time magazine recently reported that the national debt is now at a staggering $9.13 trillion, up from $5.7 trillion when President Bush was sworn into office in 2001. Also mentioned in the article was that our national debt not only grows at a rate of $1 million per minute, but it would also take $30,000 from every individual in the United States just to pay it off.Obviously this news hit me hard when I read it in the briefing section of my weekly Time magazine, but it's even worse knowing that we're the generation that's going to have to deal with this mess.When I think about every U.S. citizen in the world having to pay such a large amount of money just for us to break even, it almost makes me want to freak out and yell loud noises.I mean, $30,000 is a lot of money. For that kind of money I could buy round-trip tickets for me and eight of my closest friends to visit Dalandzadgad, Mongolia. If I didn't feel like traveling, I could buy 12,552 bacon, egg and cheese biscuits from McDonald's or 1500 subscriptions to Bird Watcher's Digest.I could buy a used ice cream truck and stock it with thousands of orange-flavored Flintstones push-ups.I could buy 454 "I love speed dating" T-shirts, 772 pairs of neon green knee pads and 2,525 cans of Spam: Hot and Spicy with Tabasco sauce.If the mood really struck me I could spend my $30,000 on eight different Rocky and Bullwinkle pinball machines and place them in every room of my house, including the bathroom.I could buy the world's biggest hoagie, or 23,255 boxes of Kraft macaroni and cheese. I could go on a hot air balloon ride for 60 hours and tour the rich scenery of the lovely state of Connecticut, or buy 555 green iguanas and let them run wild in my basement.Unfortunately, with each passing minute, our debt grows larger. With wars in Iraq and Afghanistan as well as the dwindling value of the U.S. dollar, there is only one thing to do: take our $30,000 and spend it on Chinese language lessons.
(01/09/08 5:00am)
Whenever my friends and I get bored, we tend to talk about ridiculous things for extremely long periods of time. For example, last weekend I had a 45-minute conversation with my roommate about the positives and negatives of fist-fighting Regis Philbin. During a casual round of "which decade," I came to a startling revelation. To play "which decade," each contestant picks a generation in the history of the United States and give reasons why it would be an excellent era to live in. As always, I began to explain why I wished I was born in 1950, so that I could have been 21 years old in 1971. I described how great it would have been to experience the summer of love, see Ali fight Frasier and watch Nixon resign on live television. But after I had explained my answer to my roommates, I started to think about my own generation and why no one will ever choose it as an answer for "which decade." When I stop and think about it, I realize that we live in a really weird and messed-up time. Our generation features a president who can barely speak the English language. We have terrorist bombings, an extremely large national deficit and Ryan Seacrest at every turn. We have cell phones and credit cards, and the price of a full tank of gas costs more than a month's rent. Literally every day something happens that makes me wish I had access to a tricked-out DeLorean. Last week I actually saw Bob Dylan on a television advertisement for Cadillac. The man I once considered to be the coolest hombre on the planet is now peddling DeVilles. Only a generation as sick and twisted as this one could turn the coolest person on the planet into an advertisement whore for the Escalade. Not only that, last week I read in the paper that Yoko Ono is selling the master recording of John Lennon's "Real Love" to the J.C Penney department stores. Don't get me wrong -Yoko's been doing embarrassing and stupid things to John since the '70s, but this has to be a new low. It's almost as bad as featuring James Dean in a public service announcement about seat belt safety. Unfortunately, I have no access to a flux capacitor, which means I'm forced to stay here and deal with all the madness going on in our generation. But in the meantime, I'll just keeping playing "which decade" and praying to God that I never see Joe Walsh in an advertisement for Preparation H.