I'm really glad the law-making bodies in America have devoted such a bulk of attention to the important life-or-death issue of steroid use in baseball. I slept so well last night knowing that the Congressional hearings were finally over and all this steroid talk could finally cease to exist. Ha-ha, I made a funny.
(Insert Jim Carrey voiceover, when he got pulled over in "Liar Liar.") Never mind the fact that the economy is in shambles, oil costs both arms and both legs, educational funding is a joke, the housing industry is in shambles, Nickelback is still making music, homelessness is still everywhere, and oh yeah there's that one war still going on. Instead of spending cash money on any of these important issues, we focus on a game that's been corrupt for years.
We can't place asterisks by the records of Barry Bonds or any record of the Steroid Era, for that matter. We don't put one by Cy Young's record for wins as a pitcher (who pitched every second day and from a mound that was only 50 feet away from home plate), or Babe Ruth's records (neither of these guys had to face the best the league had to offer--baseball had yet to integrate).
I've always felt that we force ourselves to feel emotions that are fitting for a certain situation. It's like at a funeral when you feel like you should cry, but for some reason can't bring yourself to tears. We feel like we should care about "cheating" in baseball, and we act like we do because the law of emotions tells us we should be furious, but we're not.
Pitchers mess with the ball (just ask Harris from Major League), hitters use more pine tar then they should, base runners steal signs and blah blah blah.
Listen, baseball is great; it always will be. If a report came out today that every single player who has ever played the game cheated somehow, we'd still line up for tickets on opening day, and we'd still help Major League Baseball shatter yearly attendance records.
We act like we care, and maybe deep down somewhere we do. But members of Congress, let us care about it and pass judgment.
In the meantime, get us the hell out of Iraq, take care of gas prices, homelessness and other important issues.
Can we get a congressional hearing to order Nickelback off the record store shelves?
